No, I spent a lot more of my time and effort on making sure I was heard instead. It was very important for me to insist on getting my point across to anyone that would let me.
In over 50 years, I would hope that I have learned a few skills in the listening department. I try my best to be a good listener to my friends, family and co-workers.
However, with all that 2020 has thrown at us in the last several months, it has become apparent that a crash course in the fine art of listening might be in order.
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| Image source: Canva |
With a pandemic, an election and so much more in the news this year, it has honestly looked like our communication skills have taken a turn for the worse.
In person and on social media, I have witnessed a multitude of talking, shouting, sharing of opinions, passing along of memes/images and so forth.
If I could put all of it into a visual, I think it would look something like this:
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| Image source: Canva |
This picture reminds me of that child I described above that is demanding to be heard by anyone that would listen.
This is not communicating. It is only a mere fraction. Real communication and understanding comes with LISTENING.
WHAT IS LISTENING?
- Listening is truly understanding what a person is trying to say. If a friend is telling you about something personal, listen to where it is coming from, why they may feel what they feel.
- Listening is remembering that other people will have other experiences, backgrounds and perspectives than you. This is what makes us the beautiful, individual souls that we are.
- Listen to the character of the person that is talking to you. The old expression, "Reputation is what you do when someone is watching; Character is what you do when noone is watching" applies very well here. Who we chose to listen to will affect what we hear.
Using Listening Skills in Real-Life Situations
Recently, a friend shared on Facebook how she had felt upon meeting me & other friends at our class reunion. I had previously gotten to know her on FB a little when I had reconnected with her husband/my classmate.
She has given me permission to share this with others. I would like you to read her words, as you use your newfound listening skills. Her story is important to share, but you need to be listening to hear all she is saying.
"When my husband wanted to come to the class reunion, I was hesitant to go. I was afraid that because he was married to me that people would not want to be around us. When he started introducing me to his former classmates at the reunion, my heart was racing. Waiting for someone to make a remark or see in their body language that they were uncomfortable with our interracial marriage."
She discovered through the course of the evening, that there was nothing to worry about from us. However, this does not discount how she felt. By truly listening to her words, this message hit me deep down to my soul.
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| Image source: Canva |
Last Thoughts
Learning the Fine Art of Listening is truly a valuable skill that will enrich your life immensely. Everyone has a story to tell. If we just remember to stop talking and shouting every once in a while, we may just learn something from each other.
~~Are you a good listener? Let me know your thoughts?~~
I am the 3rd of 5 kids. I sometimes felt like people didn't listen to me. These are good tips.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! Growing up in a bigger family, you had the same perspective on this that I did. I am glad to hear that you liked the tips!
DeleteReally enjoyed reading your article. I am passionate about listening and often teach my patients and co-workers the art of listening
ReplyDeleteThank you! I think much of the world has gone crazy with the shouting of opinions and so forth. But, they are not concentrating on the important aspect of listening to others. It truly is important.
ReplyDeleteNo human is evil. You just need to look for the source that drives a human to behave in certain diabolical ways. The source could only be found out by LISTENING. Hence, listening is indeed essential. Great article!!
ReplyDeleteRohan, I could not agree more! The only way that we will learn to see the world is through other people's perspectives, also. We have to listen to the essence of what people are telling us.
DeleteListening really is a fine art. And like most fine arts, it is not taught. I work hard to listen to what people say.
ReplyDeleteI read an article about being a poor listener, basically it comes down to this; Don't interrupt when someone is talking to you. Don't make the conversation all about you. Ask important questions about what they did. Don't get defensive. Don't hurry the speaker along. Make sure you use eye contact and correct body language.
If people listened more to others there really would be less arguments and differences of opinions. And the one point many people like to make --- we can disagree and still be friends. But to do that we need to listen to and respect each other.
Ok, guess you opened that bottle! One other point, since I'm on the subject.... Don't listen just to talk, listen to hear what they are saying!
All of us need to listen more and with more attention. This is a very good subject.
Thank you, Eileen! Those are also some great tips on becoming a better listener. There are many times that I have witnessed the 'listener' really just biding his time and waiting for his turn to speak. I have most likely been guilty of that in the past, also. But, every day, I try to to do better...and hope others will do the same.
DeleteI like to think I'm a good listener and that I'm becoming better and better with more self awareness, but I can always improve. I like what you said about listening to a person's character. What a concept!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nkem! I always believe there is room for improvement. I can become a better listener, but I will never be perfect. A person's character can always tell you much more than their words ever will. Listen well!
DeleteI feel like we listen to give our opinion instead of listen to understand! Thank you for sharing these tips, will share them with people close to me who could use them ;)
ReplyDeleteI think that is exactly what most people do. I know that sometimes I can be guilty of this myself, and have to stop and just listen. Thank you for stopping to comment, and for sharing these tips!
DeleteOne of the things I value most about my friendships and relationships is how easy I find it to be silent with people. Just because you're not talking doesn't mean you're not listening. Visual signals are every bit as important as speech. Loved this post, Diane, such a good reminder of the lost art of simply listening! Lisa
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa, for your comment! I never thought much about visual signals, but you are right. They are very important to show that you are listening.
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